By Michael Siman, IOP Coordinator and Therapist at The Anxiety Center
As a therapist at The Anxiety Center, I have a unique perspective on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I was once a patient here, struggling with OCD, and my recovery journey shaped the therapist I am today. I know firsthand how challenging OCD can be—not just for the person who struggles with it, but for their family and loved ones too. In this article, I’ll share tips on how family members can support someone with OCD and anxiety.
1. What Is Tough-Love?
Tough-love means offering support in a way that’s firm but caring. It’s about setting boundaries, encouraging the person to face their fears, and not enabling their compulsive behaviors. While it may seem harsh at times, tough-love helps the person with OCD build the strength and resilience needed for long-term recovery. It’s not about being unkind, but about helping them confront their anxiety rather than avoid it.
2. Accountability Is Key
OCD often causes people to engage in compulsive behaviors—like checking locks or asking for reassurance—to reduce anxiety. While these actions provide temporary relief, they reinforce the fear and the disorder.
Family members can help by holding the person accountable. This means not giving in to requests for reassurance or doing things for them, like checking locks or answering questions. When loved ones resist accommodating compulsions, they help the person face their fears and start breaking the cycle of anxiety and OCD.
3. Accommodation Makes OCD Worse
Loved ones sometimes try to ease the person’s anxiety by accommodating their behaviors. This might include reassuring them over and over, doing tasks for them, or avoiding certain situations to prevent anxiety.
Though this is done out of love, it can make things worse in the long run. Accommodation encourages the person to believe their compulsions are necessary to stay safe. Instead of helping, it keeps them stuck in the cycle of OCD.
4. Resisting Compulsions Takes Practice
Overcoming OCD takes time. It’s not about feeling better right away, but about learning to resist compulsive behaviors and build emotional resilience. Loved ones can support this by encouraging the person to delay compulsions, even when the anxiety feels overwhelming.
This is tough-love: it’s about helping the person stay committed to long-term recovery, even if that means experiencing discomfort in the short term. By practicing not engaging in compulsions, the person’s anxiety will gradually decrease.
5. Delayed Gratification Is Important
One key aspect of recovery is learning delayed gratification—realizing that long-term relief comes from resisting compulsions. It’s normal to want immediate relief from anxiety, but that temporary relief only reinforces OCD.
Loved ones can help by encouraging the person to hold off on compulsions and remind them that, with time, their anxiety will lessen. The more they resist, the stronger their ability to tolerate anxiety becomes.
6. Breaking the Cycle of Enabling
Enabling behaviors—like rescuing someone from their anxiety or compulsions—only keep them stuck. Tough-love helps break this cycle by encouraging the person to face their fears head-on, instead of avoiding them.
Though it can be hard to watch a loved one struggle, offering this kind of support is vital for their recovery. It helps them build skills like emotional control, resilience, and self-reliance.
Conclusion
Tough-love may feel difficult, but it’s essential for someone with OCD and anxiety to break free from compulsions. By holding firm, avoiding accommodation, and focusing on long-term recovery, loved ones can help the person regain control of their life.
If you or a loved one are struggling with OCD or anxiety, we’re here to help. Please reach out to us at The Anxiety Center for support.
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